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Hashim Amla to endorse ‘new’ product from Castle Lager

South African test cricket captain Hashim Amla has agreed to endorse a new product from Castle Lager, a source has revealed.

A source at SABMiller, parent company to Castle Lager, told The Daily Vox the move comes after months of pressure and negotiation with Amla following his appointment as captain of the test team.

The devout cricketer, who practises cricket religiously for his country, is said to be costing the liquor company millions of rands of lost coverage because of his decision not to wear the Castle Lager logo.

The source confirmed that Amla had also been accused of batting for long periods of time in a bid to cripple the company.

Muslims are not allowed to have any association with drugs or alcohol, illicit sex and rock ‘n roll, in what is known in the civilized world as, ‘fun’.

This year ‘Hash’, as Amla is fondly known, took his principles one step further when he rejected a deal with Adidas sportswear because of the company’s long association with child labour.

As a result the star batsman has played most of 2014 barefoot.

SABMiller is said to have been concerned Amla was not just hurting the company financially, he was also seen to have been singlehandedly shifting the cultural emphasis of test cricket, the source said.

“Some viewers now seem to think that beer is no longer part of sport. It’s just not cricket,” the source, who refused to be named, said.

There has been much speculation and pontification over the larger implication of reduced TV coverage for the liquor-brand since Amla took over the captaincy.

But the Transport Ministry said Amla’s refusal to endorse alcohol has had little impact on the country’s roads during the holiday season. Almost 700 people have already been killed in car accidents since the start of the festive season.

“Funeral parlours will always make a killing this time of year,” an official in the ministry said.

Industry experts say it is likely SABMiller were forced to approach Amla to find some middle ground.

“If Mohamed won’t come to the mountain, then the mountain better come to him, so to speak,” he said.

Neither Amla’s agent, nor SAB-Miller would confirm the deal.

Both parties also refused to reveal the precise nature of the product Amla is likely to endorse on his shirt, but industry experts suggest it is likely to be something soft.

Abu O’Well is an almost an award-winning satirist with The Daily Vox. Read more of his writing here.

 

19 Comments
  1. A B says

    Slow news day for the Daily Vox so they must resort to writing crap for hits. Pathetic. Decide if you want to focus on news or become the next Hayibo. You’re losing credibility with crap like this.

    1. AssociateEd
      AssociateEd says

      thanks for your opinion. thankfully its not important.

      1. A B says

        You’re rude and arrogant. As an associate editor you need to learn how to interact with your readers to get them to keep coming back. I certainly will not return to this site. If you can’t handle criticism, you’re in the wrong business.

        1. aryaman says

          Lol, apply some cold water in burned area.

    2. Yaz*d says

      Yeah I agree with you, these articles are based on speculation and not fact haha what kind of journalism is this?

  2. Leeya says

    I guess some people completely miss the meaning of satire. This here is a weak attempt at best.. Makes sense why you’re an “almost” award winning satirist though. My opinion matters almost as much as this article does.

    1. AssociateEd
      AssociateEd says

      In this case your point is absolutely valid. You are definitely very confused.

      1. Justine says

        And your comments are highly immature

        1. A B says

          Agree with you, Justine. And so unprofessional.

  3. Mtk007 says

    Simply sad piece.. . I get the point of satire but this is a weak attempt. Hope this guy doesn’t get paid for this kind of writing. It’s terrible!

  4. 'o well says

    hash? love it! nevermind castle – wot about gillete???

  5. faiek says

    Really ? Common please do something funny next time

  6. Ryan says

    This piece is rather ‘soft’ on satire, if u must take the mickey have a couple castles for sum drunken inspiration, as it goes its an epic fail so drink up buddy and try again

  7. izhaar says

    What a ridiculous article. What an idiot journalist. Alcohol sex and rock and roll is fun? No morals left. You think being drunk and having sex with strangers is fun. You from the time of the monkeys man. Wake up and get some standards. Amla is a hero and role model. People will find peace in his ways. Once again. Useless piece of journalism. Useless

  8. Gareth says

    If Amla doesn’t want to endorse alcohol, let him be. I really don’t care. I’d rather he focus on a winning team. Please Hashim, don’t sell out.

  9. M R Haffajee says

    he always writes like a B-grade journalist and he never understands any other culture but European culture. Sad non-worldly writer.

  10. Zack says

    Who exactly is the clown that wrote this article? “Muslims are not allowed to have any association with drugs or alcohol, illicit sex and rock ‘n roll, in what is known in the civilized world as, ‘fun’.” Explicitly implying that Muslims are uncivilized! Wtf seriously?!

  11. Mason says

    No surprise from the the Daily Vox. Utter RUBBISH

  12. Joseph says

    Abu O’Well? It should rather be Abu Twat O’ Not So Well.

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