If you were born in the late 80s or 90s, chances are you’re part of the Harry Potter generation. We all know the story about the 11-year-old orphaned white boy who gets thrust into the world of witchcraft and wizardry – where, it turns out, he is actually famous. But here’s a plot twist: imagine yourself at Black Hogwarts. If you can’t, that’s okay because Black Twitter did it for you under the epic trending topic that is #BlackHogwarts: a beautiful combination of memes and genius. The Daily Vox rounds up.Â
Every Harry Potter fan dreamt about receiving the Hogwarts acceptance letter into a school that teaches magic. The first obstacle for black Hogwarts though is every black mother’s objection to witchcraft.
Me: but mama, I’m a wizard. My mom: you ain’t bringing no witchcraft in my house Me: but I got a lette……
My mom: #BlackHogwarts pic.twitter.com/IoQIcK0OTY— chris âœðŸ¿ (@i_amchristiann) January 12, 2018
But if a black witch/wizard made it through to Hogwarts, the next obstacle is the sorting hat. Literally a hat with a mouth, it sorts you into a house which becomes your family for the duration of your schooling career. We all know Gryffindor is for the brave, Hufflepuff the compassionate, Ravenclaw the smart-asses and Slytherin for the cunning. But Black Hogwarts has a sorting durag instead. We’re SCREAMING.
The most important part of the sorting process is being put in the same house as your fam.
When the Sorting Durag screams out “SLYTHERIN MOTHAF**KA†but ya whole family Griffyndor #BlackHogwarts pic.twitter.com/mDpgmSsVbT
— Geofilters & Jokes (@overlaysr) January 12, 2018
When you find out you in Gryffindor with all ya homies #BlackHogwarts pic.twitter.com/kjhAdDcJYa
— OMG its Khairy 💓 (@ComedianKhairy) January 12, 2018
But if you’re sorted into Slytherin, you don’t have time for peasants. Everyone knows Slytherin didn’t get this far tryna talk to muggles (non-magic folks).
When muggles try and talk to Slytherins #BlackHogwarts pic.twitter.com/j8JE3OEV4D
— Shayde Sinclair (@shayde_sinclair) January 12, 2018
Can you think of a more fitting Ravenclaw girl squad?
Ladies and Gentlemen: The Ravenclaw Girls!!! #BlackHogwarts pic.twitter.com/8MxAwWmipk
— Gabriella (@gabriella_tl) January 12, 2018
But the best part of Black Hogwarts has got to be the Quidditch matches – the sport that magic folk play on broomsticks. And with Black Hogwarts, every match will begin with Colin Kaepernick-style kneeling.
Right before the quidditch match begins. #blackhogwarts pic.twitter.com/Y5PsOeOWTH
— Brian Wasson (@Learnaftreading) January 12, 2018
Speaking of Quidditch, that Nimbus 2000 Premium Broomstick is not just for flying. Any black mother would see to that.
When your mum finally buy you that Nimbus 2000 but tell you to clean your room with it first. #BlackHogwarts pic.twitter.com/LFZbQgpuwH
— Danny & Cleo (@DannyAndCleo) January 11, 2018
Can you just imagine the spectators at the Quidditch games doing the swag surf? A thing of beauty.
Just imagine the swag surf at the Quidditch World Cup 🔥🔥🔥#BlackHogwarts pic.twitter.com/uhd6tQea5A
— La Phlare (@color_me_phoebs) January 12, 2018
The halls at Hogwarts are filled with portraits of legendary witches and wizards. And who better to rep opposing houses as legends at Black Hogwarts than Tupac and Biggie?
The portraits in Hogwarts be like #BlackHogwarts pic.twitter.com/08qNAC6UY7
— Brianna E. Tyson (@PUSHABRI) January 11, 2018
One thing that was definitely missing from author J.K. Rowling’s Hogwarts is the swag and pizzazz. Let’s be honest, an invisibility cloak? Nobody is rocking a cloak in 2018 (or ever). But invisibility Tims on the other hand, that’s genius and stylish.
Invisibility Timbs instead of the Cloak. #BlackHogwarts pic.twitter.com/olkhHMa59N
— TJ Sanders (@TubaTeej) January 12, 2018
Everyone knows sneakers are sacred. If you violate the code of respect and deference for other people’s sneakers, it’s punishable by an Unforgivable Curse.
When yo homie step on someone shoes at the function and he get hit with the Avada Kedavra#BlackHogwarts pic.twitter.com/EhSwsTxZDN
— Killua Ken (@thephenominall) January 12, 2018
Remember that time Ron Weasley got a howler (an enchanted and explosive letter) for driving his dad’s flying car? Imagine the howler you could receive for forgetting your chores. And you thought passive aggressive texts were frightening.
When you get a howler about not takin the chicken out of the freezer before goin to platform 9 & 3/4 #BlackHogwarts pic.twitter.com/gRNbhTFnRu
— J.T. (@Jevandt_) January 11, 2018
The Marauders Map tells you exactly where people are – and they can’t turn their location services off. It’s perfect for lurkers – and catching your friends doing what they said they wouldn’t.
I solemnly swear that I am up to no good, indeed.
#BlackHogwarts me when I peep my best friend on the Maurauder’s Map with that slytherin she swore she was done with pic.twitter.com/5hv1pUptZs
— Milto 🌻ðŸ¯âœ¨ (@milteaux) January 12, 2018
But the best part of the #BlackHogwarts trend is the casting. It’s so accurate.
Let’s start with the obvious. There’s only one person that could teach herbology and that’s Snoop Dogg.
Professor Snoop, Herbology #BlackHogwarts pic.twitter.com/7RZyxPDMIs
— Kiki Roché (@OnionsAndWine) January 11, 2018
Forest Whitaker for Mad-Eye Moody – do you see it? We see it.
Three words: Mad Eye Moody #BlackHogwarts pic.twitter.com/C28CQkUBQy
— AfroRavenclaw 💛💙 (@xxrocqstarxx) January 12, 2018
Y’all already know Morgan Freeman is playing Dumbledore, he played God, for crying out loud.
When Harry thought he died in deathly hallows and he saw Dumbledore #BlackHogwarts pic.twitter.com/IApr5z7gMj
— lil hand sanitizer (@scuba718) January 12, 2018
The Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher is supposed to be a badass (despite the dodge characters in the series), and no one is more of a badass than Samuel L. Jackson.
#BlackHogwarts Your new Defense Against The Dark Arts teacher. pic.twitter.com/w7O44Ey2A7
— Steve Sellers (@Shadewing) January 12, 2018
Rita Skeeter: an annoying faux-journalist that knows everything about anyone and lives for the tea? Wendy Williams come thru!
Yall already know who Rita Skeeter would Be 😒 #BlackHogwarts pic.twitter.com/lwXlqFr9cX
— Hermione Granger (@Erica_Kay) January 12, 2018
As for Dolores Umbridge, she still white.
Dolores Umbridge is probably still white. #BlackHogwarts pic.twitter.com/aCenXlXtLi
— Jack Burton (@kelly4NC) January 11, 2018
We all know who the ultimate villain, Lord Voldemort would be. Say it together now people, Donald Tru-.
he whose name must not be spoken #blackhogwarts pic.twitter.com/neHhITeXaP
— ismael (@ishhkaz) January 12, 2018
And there would be no confusion in what to call him. There’d be none of this He-who-must-not-be-named, Dark Lord bullshit. His parents named him Tom Marvolo Riddle and he’d be called Tom Marvolo Riddle till the day he died.
Conversation about Voldemort at the nearest #BlackHogwarts barbershop.
“His Mama named him Tom, Imma call him Tom!” pic.twitter.com/C4F75ONghi— Patrick Lewis (@PatrickLewis_) January 12, 2018
And the bad guy always gets caught, just ask Jimmy Jacobs.
“We asked Gryffindor Jimmy Jacobs if he was worried about He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named’s impending return. Here’s what he had to say” #BlackHogwarts pic.twitter.com/Og71k5V1p6
— Jeff J. (@JeffJSays) January 11, 2018
Can we all agree that Black Hogwarts is the best thing to happen to anyone so far in 2018?
#BlackHogwarts is by far my favorite trending topic in a long time.
— 👨ðŸ»â€ðŸ³ (@BoostFaction) January 12, 2018
Even J.K. Rowling saw it and loved it.
@jk_rowling please tell me you are seeing the #BlackHogwarts tweets
— IceKareemy (@IceKareemy) January 11, 2018
Seeing them and loving them. #BlackHogwarts https://t.co/UZTVwmh7Uy
— J.K. Rowling (@jk_rowling) January 11, 2018
She might have seen it, she might have been loving it, but let’s not forget we cancelled JK Rowling last year already.
I just saw a tweet that said JK was invited to the cookout and…as a Potter head….did y’all learn NOTHING from last year about handing out invites willy nilly? pic.twitter.com/9yQvI18MoU
— L.L. McKinney, Former Mercy main. (UGH BLIZZARD!) (@ElleOnWords) January 11, 2018
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