Pigs apologise for walking into ‘wrong section’ of Woolies

Some of the pigs involved in the debacle at Woolies have spoken out about their role in the unhygienic practise of parking their heads in the meat sections at Woolworths stores across the country.

Speaking to the Daily Vox on condition of anonymity, one little piggy said he had been forced into both the halal and kosher section of the Woolworth meat section.

“They told me if I agreed I would get 73 virgins in Woolworths,” he said.

“And that I would be surrounded by the freshest meat in the business.”

Congress of South African Students (Cosas), the organisation responsible for beheading the pigs across the country, said they had done it in the service of Palestine.

“We placed pigs heads in the Woolworths meat section because the price of lamb is really out of reach,” he said.

Woolworths has been under intense scrutiny since the Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions (BDS) movement launched a campaign to pressure the company to stop selling Israeli products.

BDS said in a statement that Cosas had made a mistake by putting pigs into the supermarkets.

“They should have just burned the place down,” BDS said.

Another pig, who also asked for anonymity for fear of bullying from the BDS campaign, admitted he had mistakenly wandered into the fresh produce section, where he was found head first in some clementines from occupied Jaffa.

“I made a mistake but I had good intentions after all,” he said.

 

Abu O’Well is an almost an award-winning satirist with the Daily Vox. Read more of his writing here.

– Featured image via Wikimedia Commons

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3 Comments

  1. Gideon78 says

    The sad thing is that this is not really satire…it is probably based on fact…after all BDS and aggressive tactics go arm in arm

  2. Fathima moosa says

    If this hogwash is considered to be journalism, then the daily vox is really in the pen of the farmyard.

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