Choosing to love someone who is white can be difficult. You have to deal with the comments you get from other people of colour trying to police your personal life. Some of it is because of the labour you have to do with the person you love.
With the holidays coming up you also have to deal with families of your white significant other. It may not get Get Out crazy, but it may get hard so we have a few tips to get you through it.
1. Expect the best, plan for the worst
Keeping an open mind is important. When it’s the festive season, white boo’s family holiday home at the beach is going to be romantic af so pack the candles and the bikinis. Your significant other may be fluent in Marxist theories but his family may be fluent in racism so have a talk before you get there about what you need to do if whiteness rears its ugly head.
2. Memorise a few clap-backs
Whiteness is steeped in many problems, it is the baseless attitude that white people believe they are better than you, that you will be left out on activities by some members of your partner’s family. It is the idea that you must be grateful for your white partner’s family for allowing you into their home and allowing you to eat from the same plates. Besides being the token person of colour in all the christmas pictures, you’re probably going to be the only POC in the room when your partner’s mom, says that poor people need to work harder. So you should prepare what to say. It is best you learn that whiteness is a product of hundreds of years of oppressing your ancestors, not theirs.
3. Take a walk
Suzan may be the sweetest most well meaning person but her blatant ignorance might be a lot to handle. Take a walk alone on the beach or down the road, but at the very least separate yourself from the situation (whiteness) every now and then. Call your mom or your bestie to be reminded that it isn’t always that bad.
. Remember your self care
Not every fight is worth it. Sometimes it may be good night to fight them because people don’t hear when you speak. It is like the fake news phenomenon, people will only listen if they want to hear what you have to say. Pick your battles and know if you want to fight them, that is okay too.
5. Know why you’re going
It is good to know why you are going to be there and if you are completely okay with your decision. It is nice to enjoy the luxuries of dating a white person but it can be taxing too. Because whiteness doesn’t just come with the privileges, it comes with the issues too.