The much awaited #StateCaptureReport is finally out – and it’s lit

    Former Public Protector, Thuli Madonsela has finally been allowed to bestow her final gift upon South Africa. The #StateCaptureReport detailing her investigations into the alleged illicit relationship between President Zuma and the prominent family – the Guptas – is out. Folks on Twitter wasted no time reading and commenting on its details.

    Before it even got out, in fact, support for its release came from an unexpected source.

    But getting to the actual report now, Spoiler Alert: The Guptas run this town (or country).

    355 pages? Hold up. We’re going to need a summary.

    The DA – bless them – compiled a summary for us.

    South Africa’s worst suspicions have been confirmed.

    In December, Deputy Finance Minister Mcebisi Jonas allegedly turned down R600, 000 in cash and R600 million in a bank account of his choice when the Gupta family offered Jonas the job of the new finance minister.

    Jonas is now the posterchild of integrity in South Africa.

    Folks on Twitter are feeling the loss of the money that Jonas turned down.

    As for Vytjie Mentor, now we know why she opposed the interdict against the release of the report in court on Tuesday.

    Brian Molefe, Eskom CEO, allegedly called Ajay Gupta 44 times between August last year and March this year. Forty four times.

    The Guptas have BEEN making money off the state.

    *furiously turns to page 96*

    As for Jacob Zuma:

    Predictably, the DA (and most of the country, to be fair) is not impressed with JZ.

    Will Zuma step down? If there’s anyone who has nine lives…

    All we can say is: Thuli Madonsela, take a bow. You will always be our #WCW. Even on the other days of the week.

    Featured image: front page of the Public Protector’s report.