Translating Jonathan Jansenâ€™s political doublespeak
On Tuesday, University of the Free State (UFS) Vice-Chancellor Jonathan Jansen broke his silence on the violence atÂ the Varsity Cup game on the UFS campus. His statement was very deliberately worded but TRACEY LOMAX thinks she knows what he was really saying.
Here is my translation of Jansen’s politik-speak:
“1. As all of you know, last night we witnessed a really tragic event at Xerox Shimla Park on the Bloemfontein Campus on the occasion of the Varsity Cup rugby match between NMMU (FNB Madibaz) and UFS (FNB Shimlas).”
– This event was tragic because it has brought into stark relief the lie which is the Rainbow Nation, upon which I have predicated every fucking article I’ve ever written.
“2. The game started at 18:30 and about 17 minutes into the match, a group of protestors sitting on the north-eastern side of the stadium decided to invade the pitch and disrupt the game in progress.”
– Bloody darkies! Why would they do this? Why do they insist on antagonising white people? Why can’t they just behave themselves?
“3. After a short while, some of the spectators also invaded the field, chasing and brutally beating those protestors whom they caught.”
– Did you see what I did there? did you see how the protesters were a “group” and the aggressors were “some”. Because clearly, black people are incapable of independent thought and must be clumped together as this aggressive whole, while the white people who attacked them are simply rogue individuals. This clever verbiage is why they pay me the big bucks.
“4. As a university leadership we condemn in the strongest terms possible the vicious attack on the protestors. Nobody, repeat nobody, has the right to take the law into their own hands. While the protests were illegal and disruptive, it did not harm to the physical well-being of the spectators.”
-Â Also: dammitall, white people! Why are you making me have to do this.
“5. The reaction from the group of spectators, however, not only opened old wounds, it trampled, literally and figuratively, on the dignity and humanity of other human beings. This we condemn in no uncertain terms, and no stone will be left unturned to find those who acted so violently on what should have been a beautiful occasion that also brought families and young children together to enjoy an evening of sport.”
– By this, I mean that I may or may not, watch the numerous videos in the public domain which clearly show that this was a raced based attack by white students upon black students. These naughty white boys are going to make me wag my finger.
“6. I cannot over-emphasise our level of disgust and dismay at the behaviour of the spectators. It is NOT what the University of the Free State (UFS) is about and we are working around the clock to gather evidence on the basis of which we will pursue both charges and, in the case of students, also disciplinary action on campus.”
– I mean, really! Pee in food we can deal with . Aggressive rugby fans is just too much.
“7. At the same time, the invasion of the pitch is also completely unacceptable and we will seek evidence on the basis of which we will act against those who decided to disrupt an official university event.”
– Rugby! This was a rugby match, people! How dare you?
“8. Clashes between students occurred afterwards on campus and members of the Public Order Policing had to disperse some of them. The situation was stabilised in the early hours of the morning.”
– The police bliksemed the black students into the early hours and then we all went home.
“9. Disruption continued this morning (23 February 2016) when students damaged some university buildings, a statue, and broke windows. Additional reinforcements from the South African Police Service were brought in to stabilise the campus. Additional security has also been deployed.”
– I’m hiding here in my office, stroking the signed pic of me with Madiba, and wondering what the hell I did to deserve this.
10. We are very aware of the national crisis on university campuses and the instability currently underway. While the UFS has been largely peaceful, we have not been spared this turmoil, as last nightâ€™s events showed.”
– But we came so CLOSE to being spared! Who let the clever blacks onto campus?
“11. We are also conscious of the fact that even as we speak, various political formations are vying for position inside the turmoil in this important election year. In fact, part of the difficulty of resolving competing demands is that they come from different political quarters, and change all the time.”
– It’s those fuckers in the red overalls, I tell you.
“12. We are therefore learning from reliable sources that the Varsity Cup competition is, in fact, a target of national protests in front of a television audience.”
-Â Fuckit, throw rugby under the bus. It worked in the 80s
“13. And we are aware of the fact that these protests are not only led by students but also by people from outside who have no association with the university. Just as the violent spectators involved on Monday night also included people from outside the university.”
– Yes! The Third Force! Another 80s ploy which works.
It was at this point that my grasp of bull shit abandoned me and I had to let the rest go. Sorry.
This piece originally appeared on Tracey Lomaxâ€™s Facebook page.