South African Muslims relieved AB de Villiers is not a Zionist


Muslims across South Africa heaved a sigh of relief after it emerged that Proteas ODI cricket captain AB de Villiers does not support the Israeli state.

After de Villiers’ record-breaking innings at the Wanderers on Sunday, rumours began circulating on social networks that the swashbuckling hero was too good not to be Zionist.

The talk instilled fear into the hearts of tens of thousands of hojabis across the country.

But cricket insiders denied that any link existed between de Villiers and the Israeli state. “AB might be Afrikaans but he likes to moer the ball, not Palestinians,” a close associate said.

Unknown to most South Africans, de Villiers’ hero – the legendary Jonty Rhodes – is a supporter of Israel and travelled to the occupier state in 2008 to play for a special Israeli XI against the India A team “to mark the 60th anniversary of Israel’s founding”.

Rhodes, renowned for his athleticism on the field and cagey batting, has previously described Israelis as “tenacious to be able to make a living in a really harsh environment”.

It is understood that at the time, the BDS movement in South Africa was too busy planning its anti-Woolworths campaign to pay attention to this outrageous move from Rhodes who, being South African, ought to know better.

Rhodes was part of the first cricket squad in 1991 after the Rainbow nation was admitted back into the international fold following sanctions against the apartheid state.

De Villiers’ associates, however, remain adamant that the swashbuckling Christian has little regard for politics.

The star cricketer is adored by all South Africans, particularly Muslim South Africans, who see him as the their next target on their “convert-this-list”.

Wayne Parnell converted to Islam in 2011 but some Muslims say he has been a disappointment. “Except for the beard, what has he done?” Ayesha Hassim, 24, a cricket fan in Augrabies in the Northern Cape said in a message sent via telegram.

But most fans agree that a pro-Zionist AB might have been too much to bear. “If it emerged that he was Zionist, I think Muslims themselves would have enlisted for mass conversion,” said Omar Khan, 23, a cricket fan from George.

Abu O’Well is an almost an award-winning satirist with The Daily Vox. Read more of his writing or stalk him on Facebook.

– Featured image: via William Hill Betting on Twitter.


  1. “As one of the players observed: “the dry climate, shortages of water and absence of purpose-built pitches pose frequent challenges. Games are played on matting pitches in sandy clearings…and on a variety of other temporary pitches laid across soccer fields in other towns.” Just as we Israelis have, against all the odds, managed to use our native ingenuity to create cricket pitches on inhospitable terrain, so too have we managed to revive our language, make the desert bloom, rebuild our homeland, in-gather our exiles and have the ability to defend our homeland and protect Jews worldwide as we continue to reach for the stars. Howzat?!”

    • you caught a typo – since corrected – but your comment deserved airing. I think I probably was thinking in terms of having on&7;821e#s pension cleaned out when I wrote 409 – yuck, yuck

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